A Tale Of Two Awards Ceremonies

Okay, so maybe the Oscars aren't so bad after all. And I say this having watched less than half of the show. Ellen DeGeneres was hilarious for whatever little I saw of her, and Al Gore's appearance with Leornado DiCaprio had me in splits. I know I may have been just a little critical of the Academy Awards in my post two weeks ago, but that was just a one-time disinterested musing. Alright alright, I know I'm thoroughly indicted by my post - the internet never lies; I was positively, passionately scathing of the ceremony, and kept repeating that I saw no point to the entire exasperating exercise (at least most of my predictions turned out to be right. Hurray to that!). But that was before I had the rather rare chance of watching the Oscars just hours after being witness to the monstrosity that was the Filmfare Awards night. And trust me, watching the Filmfares is truly a sobering experience. One learns to appreciate the good in other things, like the Oscar ceremony, for instance, or even the color of the sky, for that matter.

The Filmfare Awards lost their relevance many years ago, a fact commemorated most notably by Aamir Khan getting the snub for his breathtaking performance in Rangeela, which was followed, quite shockingly, by a dignified Aamir Khan tantrum. But this year, the Awards were not just irrelevant; they were farcical. The nominations list was an ominous enough warning - why on earth were there six nominations in the Best Film, Director and Actor categories? Were there too many filmmakers and actors to please? And why oh why oh why did Sanjay Gadhvi get a nod for Dhoom 2? That, for me, is the Puzzle of the Millennium, one that will probably never find an answer. And wait, it gets worse. I could accept Shahrukh Khan getting a nomination for KANK; he is, after all, Shahrukh Khan - getting two nominations every year is his privileged birthright, as is, it seems now, his right to host the evening year after year after year. But one of the best movies of the year, if not the best, Dor, being completely ignored, was nothing short of scandalous. Hrithik Roshan getting a nod for Krrish was a bit difficult to digest, but him getting a nomination for DHOOM 2, where all everyone had to do was look cool and wear designer clothes, very nearly made me die of shock. To top it all, Aishwarya Rai too got nominated for Dhoom 2, ( and failed to get any recognition whatsoever for her breakthrough performance in Umrao Jaan), and that was really the point when it all started to look like one, big, expensive joke to me.

Things couldn't possibly have got worse from there, but they did. The actual ceremony was a shining example of poor media coverage and tacky TV presentation. It was disorganized, jerky, COMPLETELY unprofessional, and a whole bunch of other unsavory adjectives. Shahrukh Khan as the host was moderately funny, but the choices of the jury were even funnier. Prasoon Joshi getting the Best Lyrics award for the song Chand Sifarish from Fanaa, a song which, according to my Urdu expert mom is nothing more than a collection of a few fancy Urdu words randomly put together with no rhyme or sense whatsoever, was a shocking insult to the likes of Javed Akhtar and Gulzar, of all people. Omkara, Vishal Bharadwaj's cinematic masterpiece, was fobbed off with the insignificant Critics'/Supporting Actor awards. And Lage Raho Munnabhai, one of the best movies produced in Bollywood in the last decade or so, went home with a pathetic haul of just ONE award. Seriously, are the Filmfare jurists a bunch of Yash Chopra employees? How else could one possibly explain Hrithik Roshan getting the Best Actor award for (roll the drums) DHOOM 2??? Kareena Kapoor's shimmering performance in Omkara was overlooked in favor of Kajol's less-than-remarkable turn as the blind-girl-who-gets-her-eyesight-back-in-the-second-half in Fanaa (which, incidentally, is again a Yash Chopra production). Just about the only thing the jurists got right was in giving the Power award to, you guessed it right, Yash Chopra. That's one award no one's going to grudge you, Mr. Chopra - you've definitely shown last night what real power is. And oh, did I forget mentioning Abhishek Bachchan winning Best supporting Actor for KANK? Perhaps Mr. Karan Johar should also have been given a Power award (I kinda love the flashy name, don't you? POWER award...I bet Mr. Chopra feels like the king of the world now).

Clearly, awards functions in India are nothing more than please-as-many-important-people-in-Bollywood-as-you-can drills. It's hardly a wonder then that real actors like Aamir Khan and Ajay Devgan give them a thoroughly deserved miss. I only wish Kareena Kapoor, Vidhu Vinod Chopra, Rajkumar Hirani and Nagesh Kukunoor decide to do so too, after the monumental snubs handed to them this year. And puh-lease, people should STOP calling the Filmfares India's equivalent to the Oscars.

Speaking of the Oscars, as I said earlier, most of my predictions turned out to be right. The Departed was the big winner, bagging the Best Picture, Director and Adapted Screenplay awards - a pretty neat haul! The only surprising winners were The Lives Of Others, the German movie which stole the Best Foreign Language Picture award from hot favorite Pan's Labyrinth, and the startlingly dull Happy Feet, which trumped the genuinely funny (and bigger box office success, may I add) Cars in the Best Animated Picture category. But everything else went true to form, with both Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker, the winners in acting, giving sparkling speeches. On the whole, a well-organized, somewhat classy and very glamorous evening. How the Filmfare organizers must be ruing their decision to hold their little horror show the same day as the Oscars! You should die of shame, you Filmfare people.

If Only Plagiarism Had The Death Penalty!

I just watched the Morgan Freeman-Brad Pitt starrer Seven, or Se7en, if you will, and I've only got to say this: I could crack the suspense an hour before the climax. Now, if you've ever actually watched the movie, you'd find that hard to believe, simply because Se7en is a brilliantly executed film with a wonderfully unpredictable screenplay. In fact, it has been voted as the 38th best picture of all time by the members of www.imdb.com. So what was it that enabled my amazing little brain in arriving upon the monumental brainstorm? A dash of Sushmita Sen and Samay, that's what. The climax of the 'path-breaking' Bollywood flick, Samay, has been ripped off straight from Se7en - down to the last insignificant detail - and I actually had the horrifying misfortune of watching Samay before Se7en. So you can imagine my severe displeasure at not being able to enjoy one of the finest thrillers ever made. And no, it was no consolation at all that Brad Pitt's acting in the last scene was positively cringe-worthy.

If ever there has been an example of crossing all limits of shamelessness, then it would have to be Bollywood's blissful plagiarism of Hollywood scripts, dialogues and even costumes and sets. Sometimes the imitation is so brazenly obvious that it makes me wonder how all the supposedly blood-sucking lawyers of America haven't already set up base in India, firing lawsuits by the minute and giving sleepless nights to every 'creative' Bollywood filmmaker. And this, from an industry that prides itself on its 'culture' and 'difference'. Sorry Bollywood, you're just about as creative or artistically accomplished as Mike Tyson. Maybe even less. Embarrassingly, we have actually come to the point that every time the audience watches a movie with even a remotely intelligent story, they start hunting for the 'inspiration' that must necessarily have made possible the imaginative flair of the director. And for the biggest movie-making industry in the world, that should be totally, obscenely mortifying; only, it isn't, at least not yet.

The astonishing thing is that the 'inspiration' habit doesn't just afflict the B-grade flilmmakers; most of the highly respected directors and scriptwriters of Bollywood have been known to 'pay their own tributes' to a plethora of Hollywood blockbusters. Vikram Bhatt, who seems to have made a living out of renting DVDs of Hollywood flicks, once made a staggeringly immodest Deewane Hue Paagal that was an out-and-out rip-off of There's Something About Mary. I must admit that watching Deewane Hue Paagal was my most embarrassing experience with Bollywood, even worse than watching horrors like Jaani Dushman or Rudraksh. Ek Ajnabee featured a very haggard Arjun Rampal with a weird dressing sense and a rocking dance number, but that was just about the only thing it didn't have in common with Denzel Washington's Man On Fire. Even the 'great' Amitabh Bachchan, who is so often referred to as India's answer to Marlon Brando, or maybe even Gregory Peck, Clint Eastwood and Tom Cruise, unabashedly tried to imitate every single expression that the wonderful Washington managed to put on his face. Which is just as well, considering that we'd have been calling Bachchan India's answer to Denzel Washington too, if Washington had only been a little more popular. Abbas-Mustan, that delightful director duo, are another pair of experts at turning Hollywood scripts into insufferable Bollywood melodramas, somehow managing to fit in cruel mothers-in-law and conniving over-the-top super-villains into psychological thrillers. Humraaz, Ajnabee and Aitraaz are just a few examples. And just to show that this 'inspiration' culture is a wholly acceptable part of Bollywood, even pioneers like Ram Gopal Verma and Sanjay Leela Bhansali have resorted to stealing ideas from Hollywood.

The thing that troubles me most about this mad abyss of disgraceful travesties is that Bollywood filmmakers don't seem to realize that their thievery can some day cost them big time. After all, it's only a matter of time before someone in Hollywood takes note of this shamelessness and decides to set things right. And since we've so proudly been declaring to the world how much money Bollywood films are grossing in the UK and the US of late, I'm guessing the storm of indignation and some very expensive lawsuits is not too far away. Until then, Bollywood, steal away! It's your privileged birthright! And thank God I had the sense not to watch Chocolate; I could actually watch the brilliant The Usual Suspects without having the feeling of disgusted fury simmering within me the whole time. And while I'm talking about being thankful, let's also give thanks that we have occasional gems like Lage Raho Munnabhai, Dor and Bluffmaster (although I'm not entirely sure how clean the last one is) to reassure us that all hope is not yet lost.

A Surprisingly Competitive World Cup?

I need some pills to counter my depression, and fast. Just days after I had so confidently declared in one of my posts that I did not expect Australia's shocking form slump to last more than a couple of games, I have the stickiest egg on my face with Australia having crashed to another humiliating defeat against New Zealand. What on earth is going on with these guys? I thought the second match, in which they failed to defend a colossal score of 336, was rock bottom. They couldn't possibly have done any worse from that point. But guess what, they've actually managed to do just that. A team cannot lose after putting up 346 runs on the board and then having the opposition reeling at 41/4. A team like Australia definitely cannot lose from that position. And it is simply unthinkable for a team like Australia to lose from such a bullish position just two days after having suffered the ignominy of failing to defend 336 and four days after a 10-wicket pasting. Yet, Australia have done the impossible. It's not the first time in the last 10 years that they've done that. The only difference is that this time, they've done the wrong kind of impossible. Where can I get some of those darned pills?

The slimmest of silver linings that has emerged from this travesty of a series is that the Australian cricketing heads now have a clear indication of which player to keep as far away from captaincy as George W. Bush is from intelligence. Mike Hussey may be an astonishingly effective batsman in both formats of the game, but he is a terrible, terrible captain. I'm almost certain that if Ricky Ponting had been in charge in the series, Australia would not have had to face so much embarrassment, and they definitely wouldn't have lost two consecutive games after having posted 330-plus scores. Okay, I know that it was actually Ponting who was at the helm in that bewildering 400-run Johannesburg game almost a year ago, but really, that match was a freak happening, a once-in-a-generation event that doesn't afflict an ordinary, fairly efficient captain too often. Let's face it, Hussey is remarkably daft as a skipper. There may be a chance that this swift judgment, taking into consideration only his woefully unflattering yet short record as captain, is a bit harsh on Hussey , but there's an even greater chance that the Aussie bosses will never entrust him with the role again. Which is why I believe that this particular stat of Hussey's striking cricketing career will probably remain forever horribly tainted.

So where do the Aussies go from here? The good news for them is that Ponting and Michael Clarke are almost certain to be fully fit for their opening World Cup match, and considering the rollicking time their relatively inexperienced replacements have been having in their absence, I think they've got the batting department fully covered. Their worry, and a very grave one at that, is the bowling. McGrath is finally showing signs of his age, Brett Lee has only a '50-50 chance' of being fit for the Cup, and Bracken has lost a fair bit of his zip from last year. Meanwhile, Mitchell Johnson and Shaun Tait almost seem to be drooling with excitement at the prospect of playing in an Australian side, and their performances have shown a correspondingly alarming dip. The spin department is almost non-existent, with Brad Hogg and Cameron White having emerged as just a shade better than part-time. And Shane Watson, I believe, should be kicked out of the team faster than you can say 'all-rounder'. The man is NOT an all-rounder - he can bat a bit and he can bowl a bit, but he scores way too few runs and gives away way too many to qualify as acceptable in either department. So basically, things don't look too good for defending targets. I guess Ponting's best bet is to field every time he wins the toss. He might even hope to be outrageously lucky and win the toss every match. I, for one, am fervently hoping that happens.

In all the joy, shock and despair (for me, at least) at Australia's downslide, people seem to have forgotten the Kiwis. The fact that they dared to rest Shane Bond and Daniel Vettori for the final match says a lot about their confidence right now. And the fact that they managed to win despite that says a lot about their ability and form. They may be colorless, they may be awfully boring, and they may not have a single star among their ranks (I don't think Bond qualifies as one - he plays far too seldom for that label) but they've got a lot of gumption, and ever so often, gumption is all that matters. So you never know, with India, South Africa and England peaking at just the right time, Pakistan being, as always, the unpredictable potential scene-stealers, Australia seeking to desperately salvage some of their battered ego, West Indies being the animated hosts and New Zealand on an intoxicated high, this might turn out to be a cracking World Cup, pathetic minnows and all. Throw in the fact that it is going to be the last one-day tournament for Brian Lara and the last World Cup for Sachin Tendulkar, and this might just end up as the best World Cup ever. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Lo And Behold, Australia Can Be Pathetic Too!

I've always thought there's a limit to how ridiculous things can get. Sure there can be a few moments of madness here and some perverted absurdity there, but before you know it, normalcy is restored and the world is at peace. If only this statement were true. If only we lived in a perfect world. I'm sorry, but I'm a bit shaken up by Australia's shocking loss to New Zealand today. A World Champion side does not rack up 336 belligerent runs and end up losing the match. And don't even get me started on the stupefying 10-wicket loss two days ago. Seriously, how ridiculous can things get?

Mike Hussey, that admirably gritty batsman-wonder who has been handed the captaincy in the absence of Ponting and Gilchrist suddenly finds himself in a Flintoff-like position of having to answer unanswerable questions about the less-than-feisty performances being put in by his players. Thank God he doesn't find the need to put on an about-to-break-into-miserable-sobs expression like Flintoff did for much of the past 3 months. But he's been no confident charmer either; it's not the easiest job in the world to explain away your team's woeful form, and Hussey is learning this the hard way. People might point out that five of Australia's seven key ODI players have been out of the side but there's been a telling lack of fight amongst the Australians in the last 3 games, and that's a worrying sign. In the past, Australia have always stuck doggedly to their much-maligned rotation policy and they've always managed to come up trumps in spite of missing key players. This time, however, they haven't even looked close to winning. So is this the beginning of the end of a glorious era or is it a simple matter of the players being exhausted, both physically and mentally, from the effort of giving England the pounding of a lifetime? Personally, I'd say the latter, particularly since we've been hearing the 'beginning of the end' cliche about this mighty Australian side for about 4 years now, without any noticeable vindication. But if Australia have to maintain their magnificent World Cup run they'll need Ponting, Gilchrist, Symonds, Lee and Clarke to be back in full fitness and form. Oh yes they will. The new No. 1 ODI side in the world, South Africa, will definitely not be trembling with fear at the prospect of facing an Australian side without any of these players.

It's funny how quirky fortune can get. Just as Australia are being besieged with freak injuries and poor form at the most horribly wrong time imaginable, India seem to be nearing peak form with a resounding series victory over Sri Lanka. Ganguly has emerged literally from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix and is once again the imposing one-day force that he was a couple of years ago. Dravid and Dhoni have regained their silken touch and brutally violent force respectively, and the bowlers, particularly Zaheer Khan and Ajit Agarkar, have started to dismantle opposition line-ups with something of a regularity. The most crucial boost to India's World Cup plans, however, has been the return to form of Yuvraj Singh, who is probably the most underrated ODI batsman in the world. A string of spectacularly bitter and disorienting losses in his absence has probably taught everyone just how important Yuvraj is to India's one-day plans, which is why his brilliant unbeaten 95 yesterday would have brought considerable joy to every Indian supporter. Probable world champions? I don't know about that yet, but things are certainly looking bright for a 'good World Cup', as Dravid unwisely put it a few days ago (surely any team would want to win the World Cup and not just have a good World Cup?).

And while we're talking of people being unwise, how far can we really be from the Pakistan cricket team? The latest 'thing' to hit Pakistan cricket (I guess all the problems that keep pounding Pakistani cricket can hardly be described as 'scandals' anymore; they're much too ordinary and commonplace for a word as scandalous as 'scandal') is Shoaib Akhtar's allegation that the coach Bob Woolmer abused him racially. I just don't get these guys - why on earth would a bunch of players and officials perpetually keep trying so hard to destroy the morale and spirit of the team? I guess that's one of the many mysteries of cricket - probably just as mysterious as Pakistan's reputation to overcome all of their demons and put in surprisingly brilliant performances on the field. It's a mysterious, mysterious game. Let's have a toast to that!

"I Want To Thank The Oscars For Their Whole-hearted Pointlessness...."

It's that time of the year again - the time for pretentious showmanship and then some more pretentious showmanship. Throw in plenty of intellectual snobbery too. And oh! a LOT of fashion-worship. Just what is it that makes the Oscars so very popular? Actually 'popular' may not exactly be the right word - 'hyped' may be a more appropriate expression. That's because no matter how much EVERYONE may bemoan the futility of the superficial, unfair and completely artless extravaganza that is the Academy Awards night, there's no going around the fact that this is the one night of the year that gets the most devoted attention of the media. And of course, the stars love it too - it's the most perfect opportunity for some heavy-duty PR boosting. So basically, everyone's interested in the Oscars - everyone except the common public.

The movies that win at the Oscars are often forgotten in all the problems of the glitz and the glamour. That's not to say, however, that the Oscar-winning movies don't deserve to be forgotten. I mean, how many of the winning movies of the past decade were actually watchable? Titanic, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings and A Beautiful Mind are the only ones that come to mind. I couldn't even force myself to watch American Beauty, Shakespeare In Love or Million Dollar Baby. And I can't see why no Bollywood movie has ever won the Oscar if Chicago could take home the prize. I guess championing the cause of the insufferably boring is one of the liberties that the intellectual Oscar jury can take.

All said and done, however, there's no denying the instant recognition and, in some rare cases, handsome box-office returns that an Oscar award brings. So let's just take a look at the potential teary-eyed prospects this year. Martin Scorsese looks all set to finally taste Oscar glory after years of narrow misses and heartbreak. The Departed has emerged as a strong contender for the Best Picture award and is almost certain to win in the Best Director category. I wonder why though. Personally, I thought the movie had plenty of potential up to the half-way mark; but it simply fizzled out in the second half. Jack Nicholson's over-acting finally got on my nerves, and the interminable dragging towards the end really put me off. But I seriously doubt whether my disapproval is going to sway the jury, so Mr. Scorsese, I think it's finally time for you join the list of the privileged bores.

The Best Actor category is more tightly contested, though Forest Whitaker for The Last King Of Scotland is being talked up as the front-runner after bagging a rich haul at other, less important award ceremonies. Leonardo DiCaprio for Blood Diamond and Peter O'Toole for Venus stand a fair chance too. While we're on this category, I must say I can't really remember last year's winner. Was it Philip something? The Best Actress award seems to have been decided already; apparently, there's not a chance in a million that Helen Mirren won't win it for The Queen. Which means it'll be another disappointing finish for third-time nominee Kate Winslet, who I really thought deserved it in 2004 for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

My favorite category, however, threw up some pretty nasty shocks for me. I can't believe I haven't watched two of the three nominees for Best Animated Feature. Cars seems to be the likeliest winner here, though I absolutely must watch Happy Feet and Monster House. It'd be criminal for me not to.

I haven't watched Babel, but judging from the reactions of people who have seen it, it seems that it is one of those typical Oscar-nominated movies - wispy, snail-paced and heading nowhere in particular. So it's a good thing that it'll probably end up empty-handed. Dreamgirls will likely pick up the insignificant awards, but The Departed certainly looks set to be the big winner. So basically, things are in place for another year of undeserving winners. Big surprise.

Here's a fun thing to do if you manage to sit through the entire frustrating program. Count the time taken by each star for his or her thank-you speech, and then find out who the most pretentious star of Hollywood is (just for the record, that's the one who takes the longest time). And if you get bored of that too, then you can keep excited track of how many stars shed tears on receiving the award. Then compare the number with the one you get next year (or the number you got last year, if you were stupid enough to do it then). And if you're still bored, then switch off the TV. It'll help, trust me.

Surprise, Surprise. Or Shock, Shock.

Ho ho. What a great, big, enormous surprise. If England's win in the first of the best-of-three finals of the tri-series in Australia could have been brushed off as a freak happening, their resounding victory in the second final today was anything but freaky. They were the better side today, no two ways about that. Barely a day after I called the English ODI side a great many unflattering names, including pathetic and uninspiring, they've gone out and done the unthinkable. Beaten Australia in their own den, not just once or twice, but thrice in a row. I have to admit, I don't feel too good about my excessive and arrogant faith in the Australian team's ability now. Maybe the Aussies aren't really all that they're cranked up to be. Maybe Andrew Symonds is an indispensable part of the team. Maybe Mike Hussey isn't as prodigious as his statistics. Maybe Adam Gilchrist is a spent force. Or maybe, the England team aren't really a bunch of miserable pushovers. I'm sorry, but I'm just not up to a decisive analysis of the game today. It was shocking, that's all. Right from the persistence of the startling run of form of Paul Collingwood to the extraordinary amount of swing generated by Liam Plunkett and coming to a head with Jamie Dalrymple's sensational catch by to dismiss Shane Watson, the day was filled with shocks. Ah well, it was just one of those days.

India, meanwhile, made a terrible mess of what seemed a straightforward run chase against a spirited Sri Lankan side. I thought Mahendra Singh Dhoni was tailor-made for situations like the one his team found itself in today. I guess I was wrong. But the Sri Lankans were truly remarkable - Kumar Sangakkara's innings was a real gem, and some of the catches that the Lankans took would've done Jonty Rhodes proud. Pakistan, on the other hand, finally got a taste of what India had to suffer on their tour to South Africa, being presented with a difficult pitch and penetrative South African bowling. And to nobody's surprise, being the sub-continent team that they are, Pakistan surrendered as meekly as a bunch of frightened rabbits being forced to have dinner with a pack of wolves.

Karan Johar's Koffee with Karan began its second second season today, and his guests were, predictably, Shahrukh Khan, Kajol and Rani Mukherjee. I must say, I've gotten kinda tired of seeing these four talk about each other. The first half of the show was pretty dull, what with Shahrukh Khan's supposedly intellectual pearls of wisdom about everything from professional rivalry to the invasion of stars' privacy by the media being perfectly matched in drabness by Rani Mukherjee's political correctness and somewhat-lost expressions. It was only the now-legendary rapid-fire round and Kajol's overdone effervescence that kept the show alive. Frankly, I think Mr. Johar needs more than a change in the furniture and the colors of the sets to maintain the popularity of the show. Perhaps some interesting guests?

You know who'd make a great guest on Koffee with Karan? Andrew Flintoff, that's who. I just want to know whether he's capable of having any expression on his face other than those of delirious joy and tearful dejection. He always seems to be in one of these two moods, and today, sadly, it was delirious joy. How depressing.

World Cup Jitters and Moronic Marlon

Okay, so the Aussie cricket team is not invincible. A good catch or run out here, an inspired Flintoff spell there, and a brilliant Collingwood century somewhere in between can ensure that even an ODI side as pathetic as that of England can turn the tables on Ponting's men. Gone is the aura of irrepressible authority that seemed to have so thoroughly stunned the Englishmen (and the Kiwis too, for good measure) into submission only a fortnight ago. I guess this only goes to show just how important Andrew Symonds is to Australia's one-day make-up. And England's victory has just about set every single cricket follower's tongue wagging about how the World Cup isn't going to be a stroll in the park for Australia after all. While all of this may sound very nice and rosy, especially for all those competition-mad enthusiasts who have been lamenting the 'death' of cricket caused by Australia's ruthless domination of the sport, I still don't think any other team in world cricket have got it in them to stand up to the Aussie bullies with more than just a strong heart and a tough spirit. The ability of the Australian team remains unmatched - with a batting line-up like theirs, and a bowling attack that cannot find a place for Mitchell Johnson and Stuart Clark, South Africa and Co. will be hard pressed to hand it to the Aussies in crunch games like semi-finals or finals. And that is the naked truth, whether you like it or not. Competition-mad enthusiasts, you can take a hike.

Meanwhile, the English team is suddenly beloved again. Flintoff's cheery, casual, mischievous grin that he had so made his own last year is back, and so is optimism among the British media about England's World Cup chances. But I wouldn't get too excited too soon (not that I want to get excited - the England ODI team inspires just about as much excitement as Zimbabwe's hopes of a Test recall). After all, they're only just two Australia-inflicted thrashings away from returning to the grief stricken despair that they were in two weeks ago. Let's just wait and watch then, shall we?

West Indies cricket and Marlon Samuels, on the other hand, have managed to find yet another way to plunge into darkness and misery. Exactly how darned stupid Samuels would have to be to have allowed himself to get caught on tape having a conversation with a bookie, or a friend who sounds very much like a bookie, is beyond my comprehension. And from the looks of things, Samuels will be taking Chris Gayle down with him too. Honestly, I cannot believe this guy. For six years I have been tearing my hair in frustration at the incandescent talent of Samuels and his woeful inability to convert that talent into anything significant, and just when things were finally appearing to be falling into place for him with a century against Pakistan and a brilliant 98 against India, he goes out and shoves himself into this depressing mess. I'll just pray that Brian Lara doesn't lose his mind completely, seeing how determined his teammates and the West Indies cricket board are to ensure that he never brings back any semblance of dignity to West Indies cricket. Sad. Really, really sad.

What was not sad was the sensational batting exhibition put up by South Africa in the first game of their 5-match series with Pakistan which was followed up by a Pakistani assault in the very next game. If for South Africa Mark Boucher was stunningly effective and Jacques Kallis willing to show he can whack a cricket ball with all the savage force of a Lance Klusener, then Shahid Afridi was absolutely brutal and Mohammad Yousuf clinically classy for Pakistan. Clearly, 350+ scores are going to become much more commonplace in ODIs now. Which is simply terrific news. And cricket pundits who can't stand big hitting and would much rather watch quality bowling, you can take a hike too!

The Most Important Day of the Year

21st JULY! 21st JULY! WOOHOO!!!! No, I haven't lost my marbles just yet. 21st July is the date when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be released!!! And that, my friends, is big news. Gigantic news. Enormously colossal news. Heck, it might even be the be the most significant news of the last one year. And no, I'm not even remotely exaggerating. Consider this: for the next 168 days 55 minutes and 44 seconds (it wasn't me that calculated this - that credit goes to www.mugglenet.com), a sizable portion of the world's population will think about 21st July, 2006 with a fairly desperate sense of anticipation and feverishly wish the days to speed by faster than a Firebolt. Who cares about Hilary Clinton's presidential campaign? The world has Horcruxes and horrifying deaths (fictional, of course) and getting hold of the book not a nanosecond later than the precise moment the book is first made available to worry about.

I must confess that I was a little ashamed I didn't get to know the momentous news until almost a day after J K Rowling announced it on her website. I had decided to take a break from the Potter fansites for a few days and de-Potterize my mind a little (trust me, it does you no good to meditate on a particularly ridiculous Potter theory moments before going out to give a job interview). And look what I missed! An entire day of excited frenzy! I must have been crazy to have even thought of such a scandalous idea! OK, I think I'm going a little overboard now. But really, this IS great news for all Potter fans. I had been preparing myself for a September-to-December release date, considering the timings of Rowling's announcements at the time of The Half Blood Prince. That time, she had given the release date a full six months after she had declared the title, so I had suspected she would announce the release date somewhere around May. Also, I didn't think she would have risked cutting into the business of Movie 5, The Order of the Phoenix, by releasing the book anytime near the movie release date (which has been officially put as 13th July). But guess what, Rowling does have a humane side after all! I think the despair, despondency and depression of Potter fans was too much for her to bear. All the better for us!

Seriously though, I don't really think it was the wisest of moves to have the book and the movie releasing so close to each other. The movie's first week collections will of course be fantastic, but once the book releases I doubt many fans will want to return to the scene of Sirius's death or Snape's worst memory, particularly since there might be much more pressing matters to contemplate, like the possibility of Dumbledore making a smashing comeback or dare I say it, the devastating death of Harry. It just makes no business sense, if you ask me. Unless, of course, Rowling manages to convince Warner Bros. to delay the movie release by a bit, or even more cleverly, creates an intermingling connection between the events of book 5 and book 7, making it imperative to read or watch Phoenix again. Now wouldn't that be a masterstroke! And judging by the happenings in the first 6 books, there has been something of an inter-relationship between alternate books of the series - books 1, 3 and 5 follow vaguely similar paths, and the same can be said for 2, 4 and 6. So basically, that's just my cue to start reading books 1, 3 and 5 yet again.

I have been so caught up in the brouhaha of all of this that I have almost forgotten the Harry Potter-related news of two days ago that was nearly as significant as the release date news and certainly a lot more shocking. Daniel Radcliffe's very questionable decision to act in the controversial play Equus where he will shed his innocent schoolboy image in favour of a decidedly adult one has left me a little disturbed. Now don't get me wrong, Radcliffe is fully entitled to act in whichever play or movie he wishes to, but I just thought it would've been a bit more prudent for him to wait until the series was completed before venturing into such audacious projects. Why? Because however much we would like to shout out to the world that Rowling's creation transcends the boundaries of age and appeals to everyone aged from 5 to 60, children still form the most devoted fan base of Potterverse. And Equus is definitely not good news for children. Just something for Mr. Radcliffe to think about.