The Fine Art of Over-Rating

Every age has a favourite darling. And every darling has a golden age. And when the darling becomes the favourite in the age that is golden, the result is an insufferable dose of good, old-fashioned over-rating. In today's post I'm going to list some of the people, mostly famous people, who I personally think are hugely over-rated by the media and subsequently (or consequently) are rewarded with a large amount of undeserved hero-worship by an adoring but intensely gullible public. So here are the most overrated (in my opinion, at least) people of our generation:

Abhishek Bachchan: Since his name starts with an 'A', I thought he'd be a nice place to start with. And even if the people on this list were ranked in order of most undeserving, he'd definitely be at the top or very near it. Since the past 6 years I've been trying to figure out why he's constantly been lavished with so much acclaim by critics and fans alike for his supposed 'acting abilities' and 'charm' when it has been clear to me from the outset that the only thing charming about him is the fact that he has great genes. The man cannot act to save his life (and neither can Fardeen Khan, another star-son with alarmingly low artistic powers - but at least Fardeen is showered with his fair share of flak from time to time), and yet the media and critics go on and on about his 'powerful' screen presence and restrained execution of his roles. There's a difference between restrained acting and NOT acting. If only the people of this country understood this simple fact.

Kimi Raikkonen: He was supposed to be the youngest world champion in Formula One history. He was also supposed to be the sparkling new heir to Michael Schumacher's throne of F1 dominance. Perhaps someone should have told these two oft-repeated truths to a rampaging Fernando Alonso, who not only stole the 'youngest champion' title from Kimi but also usurped Schumacher's throne while the legend was still in business. I'm sorry if sworn Kimi fans are offended by this, but the fact remains that when Kimi was at McLaren, the team was desperately floundering and in the depths of doom. This year, Alonso joined McLaren, and all of a sudden they're comfortably leading the drivers' standings. Engine problems, bad luck, a sub-standard car - what's the latest excuse for Kimi's continued failure to live up to the expectations? A team that is too perfect, perhaps?

Martin Scorsese: I must confess that I haven't seen many of the most-acclaimed movies of this supposedly genius of a filmmaker, but if the praise that some of his latest movies garnered is anything to go by, I haven't missed much. Gangs of New York was quite intolerably boring, The Aviator was really nothing great and The Departed has to be one of the best examples of how an unnecessarily long second half can completely ruin a movie. Honestly, I think the Oscar jury, for once, was right in denying Scorsese the glory of the Best Director award for as long as they did in spite of the nearly two decades of sustained critical acclaim that sat so prettily on his resume . Just goes to show the critics don't know everything.

Saurav Ganguly: Sure, he led India to the final of the 2003 World Cup, and beat the visiting Australians at their own game in 2001, but has there ever been a more self-centred player in the history of Indian cricket than Sourav Ganguly? Two years ago he almost brought Indian cricket to its knees with his ugly altercation with coach Greg Chappell, and this year he was at it again, creating divisions in the side which very probably led to India's humiliating early exit at the 50-50 World Cup. And don't even get me started on his glaring shortcomings as a batsman in the longer version of the game. I, for one, am really at a loss to see why a man who is clearly afraid of the short ball, creates ungainly camps in the team and is as much a team player as Shoaib Akhtar gets such enormous and unwavering support from his countless fans. Perhaps it's just the Bengali tendency of over-hyping every single person who hails from the state of West Bengal at work here.

Almost every fashion designer on the planet: This one's my favourite. Just when you think that clothing designs can't get any more bizarre, out comes a fashion designer showing off to an unsuspecting public an outfit that tightly binds your two hands together in a manner that forces you to constantly keep your hands outstretched and parallel to the ground. I honestly felt very sorry for that unfortunate model. Tell me, how many of the outfits that celebrated designers showcase in the scores of fashion shows across the world are actually wearable? It's one thing being creative and letting your imagination run wild in a field that prizes innovation and inventiveness, but quite another to put your admiring patrons through long periods of discomfort and embarrassment. Some would say there's no difference, but others (including me) would say there's all the difference in the world.

Pete Sampras: Alright, this may be a shocker for some - Sampras is the one who's won the most Grand Slam titles in history, right? Pete Sampras was a great tennis player, I agree. The only reason he's on this list is because roughly half of the tennis following population considers it appropriate to call Sampras the GOAT (or Greatest Of All Time, for the uninformed) in spite of the dazzling four years that Roger Federer has just put on show in front of an awe-struck audience. Federer is a better and more complete player than Sampras ever was, period. I know this may sound childish and a touch harsh on Sampras who was indeed a wonderful champion, but I can't understand how a player whose only major weapons were a monster serve and a terrific volley - ok, I'll add the running forehand to that frighteningly small list - and who never even made it to the finals of the claycourt Grand Slam can be talked of in GOAT discussions with as much reverence as is Sampras. Maybe this time it's the American tendency of over-praising the sons of its soil at work.

Heavy metal/hard rock bands: One of the biggest mysteries I've ever come across - why would loud, mostly unpleasant noise (that is actually supposed to be 'music') and generally crude and frustrated-with-life lyrics command millions of devoted fans all over the world? Does the fact that most rock musicians are shabbily dressed, cocaine-snorting, potential suicide candidates somehow add to the charm of rock/metal music? As I said, one of the biggest mysteries I've ever come across.

Ayn Rand: Ok, her books make for fairly interesting reading, but that's just about as good as it gets. Her strangely self-glorifying philosophies, fierce trumpeting of Objectivism and generally scathing views on generosity and charity that are prevalent in most of her major works are nothing short of laughable when thought about for more than a minute. Moreover, the effects that reading an Ayn Rand book can have on an impressionable youngster are quite disturbing to imagine. Quite why every celebrity worth his or her salt likes to declare that The Fountainhead is the best book they've ever read (it's not even the best book that Rand's written - Atlas Shrugged is, in my opinion, a better read) is beyond my comprehension. Maybe they think it makes them sound smart. In Rand's case, nevertheless, there is one small comfort: literary critics have, by and large, dismissed her writing as melodramatic and unimportant. Maybe the critics do know some things sometimes then.

Shilpa Shetty: She became a household name in the UK by claiming to be a victim of racism, and for that is held up in our country as a shining example of an Indian making waves internationally. Do I need to say any more?


Whew! That's a long list. And yet I haven't mentioned even half of the many names that came to my mind while starting this post. We do seem to have perfected the art of over-rating. How wonderful.

When 'Nothing' Becomes News

Beep, beep. Ridiculous Celebrity Headline alert. Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai are engaged! Now isn't this the most groundbreaking piece of news imaginable! Front-page material, most definitely. George W. Bush's ingenious insurge plans (or is that insurgency?) and Noida's serial killer/cannibal can be comfortably pushed to page two. Yes, the Abhi-Ash engagement deserves the hugest media attention - every newspaper must devote at least half of its front page to the critical event, and news channels must unhesitatingly unleash the exact painstaking details about the entire episode as their 'top story'. After all, every single Indian, and many non-Indians too, are going to be deeply affected by this earth-shattering development and so, of course, it's the media's sacred duty to keep them thoroughly well-informed.

Are you kidding me? Who cares that two of the most publicity-hungry individuals in the country decided to gather a little more publicity by the simple matter of the announcement of an engagement? This was just a brilliantly executed PR exercise, for God's sake. And considering how conveniently close the announcement was to the release of their movie together, Guru, can anyone find fault with their stunningly effective move? It's not for nothing that Mr. Amitabh Bachchan's family has been accorded the prestigious title of 'Bollywood's First Family'. These guys know how to keep the media, and the public too, for good measure, passionately interested in anything and everything that they do. It's one of the advantages of having been blessed with superstardom two decades ago - fame can teach you how to handle an entire country. And predictably, the media lapped it all up; just days after the incident of the Bachchans walking a considerable distance to a temple, barefoot, made front-page news, came the report of the momentous engagement, which was given as much reverence as the testing of a nuclear weapon. The beautiful Ms Rai played her part quite effectively too; subtlety has taken a long time in becoming a part of her many charms, but it finally has, and the talented former Miss World ensured that the delay would not go in vain. The effect was deadly - with Ash doggedly dodging the media, Abhishek valiantly going about promoting Guru, and none other than Amitabh Bachchan himself making the formal announcement, the family had it all covered. Brilliant strategy, if you ask me. And guess what, Guru has taken a very good initial too. Stroke of genius!

The saddest thing about this whole affair is the fact that the media is making Indian sensibilities go the Hollywood way. A few years ago not many would have cared how many cans of Pepsi Shahrukh Khan drinks in a day or what Hrithik Roshan's kid's first words were. Now, however, people have actually begun to take interest in such sordid things. And I blame the media squarely for this monstrous turn of events. Particuarly the news channels, who sometimes take such concerted efforts to champion such hopeless non-issues that you actually fear for their sanity. Remember the infamous Shahid-Kareena Kapoor kissing incident?

In defence of the Indian media, they''re only taking a few cues from their counterparts from the West. There, the celebrities and the media have together done such a terrific job of whipping up interest among the common public in even the most awfully insignificant things that it is truly remarkable. The TomCruise-Katie Holmes courtship/wedding made a lot of money for a lot of people, and you've only got to thank the American public's excited interest in the personal lives of their celebrities for that. In fact, so much curiosity and brouhaha was created out of the relationship that even I was induced to watch a couple of movies of the previously unknown Katie Holmes, both of which were eminently rubbish (Distrubing Behavior and Teaching Mrs. Tingle, just in case you need to be warned). The 'Brangelina' episode still dominates headlines, and so do Britney Spears'/Paris Hilton's/Lindsay Lohan's daring escapades, Mel Gibson's occasional lapses into raving insanity, Scarlett Johannson's eternal desire to appear on screen unclothed and Ashton Kutcher's many unfortunate travails that have come from marying an older woman. But I didn't think it possible that our Bollywood stars could even come close to becoming as eccentric and greedy for publicity as their Hollywood counterparts. Sadly, however, they are well and truly on their way to doing so, aided and abetted by the headline-happy media. And to my great discomfort, neither the stars nor the media have been deterred by the initial lack of excitement among the Indian public - they've got a mission to accomplish, and from the looks of things, they're eventually going to accomplish it resoundingly. We humans only need a reason and an occasion to go prying into the lives of others. And when the media willingly provides so many reasons and occasions, and the 'others' lead such magnificently glamorous lives, can we possibly resist the temptation? Tragically, no.

So is there any solution to the madness that will soon engulf us all? Probably not. No wait, I've got an idea - why don't we just shoot all celebrities? Hmm, that'll probably not be too humane. And it might just make our lives a little boring. Hey, I've got another one - let's shoot all the tabloid journalists! No, that wouldn't work either, because we'd never get hold of ALL of them. Alright, before I get any more macabre, I'll stop here. And I hope Ash ditches Abhishek just as cruelly as she did Vivek Oberoi. He hardly deserves someone as beautiful as her.